The Throne...

So next up, having an issue with something that everyone has (i far-eakin' hope) in their house...a toilet. Now, I have had to deal with troublesome toilets before, ya know...over flowing, not flushing, running, that kinda mess, but never have I had to deal with one like ours. It's almost comical until you yourself have to deal with it. I have thus (at this very moment) named it Nancy after an aptly named ex-speaker of the house who also talked a lot of shit ;) har har. What trouble can a toilet cause you may ask? (well I'm hoping that's why you're here) IT RUNS LIKE A KENYAN.
Used to be, that if you jiggled the handle, it would stop. Like it needed a little bit of attention, then it would be happy and shut off. Something like this :) (aw who's a happy toilet :3)

BUT NO. Nancy was a greedy biotch and decided...no. I want you to do something else for me...I WANT YOU TO JUMP UP AND DOWN LIKE AN IDIOT FOR MY AMUSEMENT! (something like this)

So this has been my life for the past few months. We do have two bathrooms, but who wants to go all the way upstairs? This also brings up another issue that I have been thinking of...what about company? (not like i really have anyone to invite over....but...hypothetically) There are two problems with this. Do I tell them to go upstairs, or just wait till they're finished and casually walk in, jump around, and walk out like nothing happened? Or, If it was me, what would they be thinking? Is there a dinosaur stomping around? Having problems? Pooping makes you angry? or....is there a house centipede in there? (see previous post) None of these things just seem to be a good way of getting people to stay in your house...they might think you have problems (welp, time to hit the old dusty trail... *awkward exit*)


I know that it's probably an easy fix, just a trip to lowes, but, when it comes to home improvement tasks, I can be pretty inept. "hrm toilet you say? well then. how about this pink mini maglight? It's so pretty :3" Or, I get distracted by all the pretty paint colors and neat light fixtures and fun sharp tools. (I like lowes) So for now, I guess we will just stomp around like dinosaurs (maybe I'll start adding sound effects to amuse myself...still awkward with company) until Nancy decides that she has had her amusement for the day. But sometime soon, that bitch will get hers...when we get around to it...

The battle of the kitchen

So being as this is so new to me, (other than my brief explorations with a friend and baking) here goes. So far, I've just been a pretty normal girl living in Delaware (yes that is a state, not a city in another state, although i know there are delaware cities, this is for serious the state...ok moving on). So I lived there my whole life up until about a few or so months ago. Met a great guy, moved out of state, and am now actively seeking employment (have been for some time....what am I? a leper?) So until that glorious and wonderful day happens where I can finally call a place my place of employment, I am stuck at home doing day to day things, or...playing Xbox...or watching Dexter. Anyways...
Moving to another state can be a good thing and a bad thing. I don't really have many friends there, so that wasn't a worry and my family will get along without me. Don't have to worry about the beach traffic and stupid tourists....although i do miss the beach fries...and icecream...ok I'm a fat kid on the inside. My new home has become just that, a home. Now granted this new state kinda sucks as far as taxes and such are concerned, but it was all going quite smoothly until a couple months ago....then....this happened...

I know what you're thinking. WTF IS THAT THING!!!! This ladies and gentlemen is a house centipede. Never seen these scary little demons until I moved (nothing should ever possess that many legs). I guess DE only specializes in the massive super hell bee...got stung by one last summer. I threw it into a pool where a pool party was going on...no regrets.
Anyways...so it all started a couple months ago...
This is how it actually went down...how it went down in my head is to follow after...
There I was making my boyfriend a sammich like any good girlfriend should do (haha believe me...I think women in the kitchen jokes are funny) and I'm just minding my own business. All of a sudden, I look up, and there it is...sitting on a pot on the stove...chillin. I squeak...run into the bedroom, and get said boyfriend to kill it. He grabs it with a paper towel, it wriggles, he squeaks, it falls on the floor, and he steps on it...end 'o' story for good old Charles up there (named them Charles after an annoying ex-potential boy thing that cried all the time...) So that was that...how it happened in my mind however...a different story all together.
*Me making a sammich minding my own
*Mr. Centipede: Hey...whatcha makin'. Looks good. Btw, Imma crawl on your face later...that cool?
*Me: Oh hey there Mr. Centi....SWEET BABY JESUS! (poops out of fear, runs to get boyfriend)
*Mr. Centipede: Hey...wait...I just wanted to crawl around and disappear under things like a magician when you try to catch me...thats all...and show up when you're doing laundry...and dishes...and taking a shower...(all of which have happened so far)

To be honest, they only bite if you mess with them, and they need moist places to live, but those freaking hell beasts can live up to seven years. Like really! who created this thing and what purpose does it serve? It eats bugs...yeah sure great but so do spiders! (don't get me started on spiders...too many legs AND eyes) These things honestly must have been put on the planet to freak the shit out of me.
No other strange creature has shown up so far but i think that one is enough. We tried to catch one the other day, but just got a couple of its legs WHICH CAN GROW BACK. Just can't win.